This weekend my sisters and I went tubing. It was a blast!!! Though the water was a wee bit cold-meaning our ass cheeks felt like they were frostbitten, we had a great time.
Funny was that I was initially worried about Littlest sissy Mags, but really, I should have been watching out for Middle sissy Mags-she totally wiped out on the second set of rapids.
Funny shit, seeing your sister fly upside down with her feet spread in the air holding on for dear life to a bright yellow tube.
Yeah. I'm a bitch. But it was funny.
Also funny-seeing a Crazy River Guy. Really-we looked over on the side of the river and saw just some hands and feet sort of floating on the water-no man there-just his appendages.
Then he emerged. Doing the backstroke. With sneakers on. And a dumbass stupid grin on him face. Talking to no one. He bumps into a tuber.
Hellooooo-do you not SEE the millions of yellow tubes floating down the river? I mean, some of us are even holding onto each other, forming big yellow clusters of tubes. And you can't SEE us? WTF!
WHO ARE YOU CRAZY RIVER GUY?!
"Oh...sorry, sorry....sorry" he says with a dumb fucking smile on his face. Again-did you not SEE them? Duh!
But then...he swims. And swims...and sort of follows us.
Where are you going anyway Crazy River Guy? Do you have a home?? Then he did it.
He stood up and walked to the side of the river and ate a leaf.
You can read it again. He ATE a LEAF.
Wacko. And then, just like that, he climbed out of the river and disappeared into the woods.
Crazy River Guy.
Then-as if we weren't amused enough, there was a scarey towel that looked like a snake ready to enter the water-and an even weirder Scarey Eyebrow Piercing Girl, who assured us it wasn't a snake (she works with snakes everyday, you see) but continued staring at it for like, 10 minutes!
Didn't you just assure us that it wasn't a snake? What the fuck are you looking at it like that for? Don't you DARE, Scarey Eyebrow Piercing Girl, tell me it's not a snake and not be sure about that! Because if that IS a snake, and it comes in and bite me, I'm pretty sure I'm putting dirty water in your newly pierced brow and then ripping it out violently, all the while with a big smile on my face.
Yeah, I've got a bit of Crazy River Guy in me now. Oh yeah-you'd better watch out.
Maybe I'm talking to fast for you Scarey Eyebrow Piercing Girl. S-t-a-y a-w-a-y f-r-o-m m-y s-i-s-t-e-r. Yeah. Just b/c you both have a piercing doesn't mean you're friends. All of us have vagina's but hey-you don't see me inviting you over for tea, do you? NO-so-get the fuck away from our tubes before I really get mad. Once I eat a leaf, there's no turning back.
And these are the people in our neighborhood.
Whatever happened to Mr. Rogers?