Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Tourretts

Sometimes I wish I had Tourretts syndrome. Sometimes, like today, I have the unexplainable urge to scream things but can't because I am, for the most part, sane. How good would it feel to be able to randomly scream at people as they walk by?

"I like fuzzy peaches"
or...
"I can smell your feet"
and what if you said...
"You have hairy nipples!"
and of course...
"I like snappy bananas!"
you could also yell...
"I have a tub full of bean dip!"

I mean, the possibilities are endless, really. And you're lying to me if you say you don't have the smallest desire to use this handicap to your advantage by yelling:

"Frogs make me horny!"

All kidding aside though, there are days in which I would really like to scream at people. Today was one of those days. Remember Monkey Lady? Well, she's still here; and she's still condescending and she's still bitchy.

Today she came flying into the office in a tizzy-as usual-and demanded to get into the big bosses office, to which I coolly replied, "Go ahead." And the thing is, there's never an easy, "Ok" or "Thanks" from her. It's always some crazy backpedaling type of thing like she's trying to get out of a lie.

"Oh, ok. I didn't know if you had a key or something and so I asked. Thanks, I appreciate it." but then...more! "I have to get on the road because I'm covering rep territory today and the stuff is in the big bosses office and so I need to get in there, you know what I'm sayin?"

To which I'd like to scream:

"ALL FUCKING RIGHT ALREADY! GET YOUR HAIRY NIPPLES IN THERE AND GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!"

Certain people can only be taken in doses and they each have their own "tolerance point" where they start getting on my nerves. She reaches hers when she gets, oh...about 5 miles away from the office. I can sense her, feel her bitchiness, her 2 facidness*- her lack of knowledge in the fact that she is not a size medium...

It's days like this where I'd really like to scream:

"You're a 3X!"

Yeah.

Tourretts...

What would you like to scream at people?

*Yes. I know. Facidness. Not a word-thanks for pointing it out. I make up words, it's what I do.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I would like to yell at this girl that complains all day and is so damn high strung all day! AlI I hear all day is "oh my god, theres a problem here" or "somethings wrong!!" shut the &^%$ up and take a valium!!
Nemo
(coincidence? her name is actually Dory!!)

Anonymous said...

Ting tang wadda badda bing bang!!! Hogie! Nemo

aka_monty said...

I DO shout that stuff at people.
:)
Even when there's no-one there but me.

My favorite is 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT DO I MEAN?! and "SPOOOOOON!"